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Fic: "A Very Slashy Christmas Carol" for randomdarling in the 2009 Lotrips Slashababy

Title: A Very Slashy Christmas Carol
Recipient: randomdarling
Author: tweedle_
Pairing: Orlando/Elijah, Dom/Elijah, Sean A, Ian M
Rating: NC17
Summary: A very slashy take on Charles Dickens' 'A Christmas Carol.'
Pre-reveal Notes: An Elijah-centric fic was requested and I hope this hits the spot.

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission.


Elijah Wood, the Area Manager of Acme Condoms Ltd, the largest distributor of novelty prophylactics in Europe, was staring at his computer screen in disbelief. It was Christmas Eve, the office would be closed for the next two days and their largest ever order of the top selling iridescent glow-in-the-dark Fairy Wand™ prophylactic was missing in transit. This was a disaster.

He wrapped his scarf more tightly about his neck. In anticipation of the two day closure, Elijah had ordered the heating turned off at noon. The staff had complained as the temperature dropped, but he had stuck to his guns. Didn't they know there was a recession going on?

Actually, business was booming despite the recession. Personally, he couldn't see the logic in it, but apparently when people stopped going to the pub, they started buying prophylactics. Go figure, he thought to himself, and shrugged.

He was scrolling furiously through his Blackberry, when a flurry of activity outside his office distracted him. The office staff were on their way out, and his personal assistant, Orlando, appeared in the doorway. Rather than his normal neat suit and dark tie, Orlando was wearing a very small t-shirt and leather jeans.

Elijah was not completely sure he approved. He was also pretty sure he did not approve of the way Orlando slouched, hip cocked, and forearms braced against the door frame. It might be considered provocative.

"Hey, Mr Wood. We're going to that hot new club down the road. Want to come?"

"No, thank you, Orlando, and I'm afraid you'll have to postpone your evening's entertainment. We have a crisis on our hands. I need you to locate the tracking number for shipment FW69XXL and find out where it's gone missing."

"Sure, Mr Wood. Do you mind if I work in here? The rest of the office is freezing."

Elijah saw that he must be cold by the way his nipples were raising little peaks in the front his t-shirt. Personally, he felt rather warm. "Would you like a scarf?" he asked, gesturing to the selection hanging on the wall.

"That's okay. I'll just work in here, if you don't mind."

"If you like," said Elijah, staring dubiously at his nipples. He forced his eyes back to his computer screen.

They worked in silence.

Well, Elijah was silent. He couldn't help but notice that, although he wasn't saying anything, Orlando was really very noisy. There was a whisper of sound every time Orlando licked one long finger and used its damp tip to turn a page, or when he smoothed down the goose bumps on each of his arms. He had stretched once, and the sound of tendons popping had drawn Elijah's attention like the sound of gun fire.

Worst of all, however, was when Orlando got up from his chair. Who knew that leather pants creaked? Certainly not Elijah.

Oh, and they really were so going to have to commission an Office Workflow Report, because Orlando never sat still.

Up down up down up down. Ehee ehee ehee. It was making Elijah crazy.

When Orlando dropped his pen, Elijah knew he had had enough. "Thank you, Orlando, that will be all for tonight," he said, stopping Orlando mid-bend.

"Are you sure, Sir?" Orlando asked, peering up quizzically from behind his own backside.

"Yes," Elijah gritted out, staring hard at his computer and punching keys feverishly. "Have a good night."

"Thanks. You, too," replied Orlando wistfully as he straightened up. "Merry Christmas," he added, and left Elijah alone.

"Merry Christmas!" scoffed Elijah. "Yeah, right."

***

Several hours later, Elijah managed to track down the errant shipment, and had bullied its delivery schedule back into submission. He then changed his office scarf to a more appropriate outdoors scarf, locked the office behind him, and made the short walk to his apartment.

The streets were busy, but by studiously ignoring the revellers, he quickly arrived home.

After a hastily consumed, microwaved ready meal, he turned off the lights, and climbed in to bed with the latest copy of Prophylactics Monthly, a tube of hand cream and a box of tissues. One never knew. The 'Letters to the Editor' section had surprised him more than once.

He had just opened the magazine when he became aware of a rustling noise that seemed to be coming from out in the hallway. As the noise became louder, he sat up in bed. "Who's there?" he called, hastily shoving the hand cream and tissues under the covers.

There was no answer, but a figure appeared in the doorway. It was draped in reams of coloured paper chains, which rustled with every step it took towards him. Elijah pulled the covers up to his nose, and watched in disbelief as the figure drew closer.

"Oh my God, Sean!"

"Hello, Elijah. Long time, no see," replied Sean.

Sean Astin and Elijah had started working for Acme Condoms Ltd at the same time. They had been the best of buddies, and done everything together. Their career paths had run a parallel course until Sean had unexpectedly resigned, shortly after last year's Christmas party. Apparently, the party had got a bit crazy. Elijah's memory of the event was hazy at best, but he had a niggling feeling that Sean had featured prominently.

To this day, he couldn't remember how or why he'd passed out in the broom closet with his trousers around his knees. He'd tried to ask Sean about it, but in a whirlwind romance, Sean had hooked up with Christine from Accounting. Elijah could never get him alone after that.

"How are you, Sean?" asked Elijah.

"Great. Great," replied Sean boisterously. "I married Christine, moved to the suburbs, upgraded to a Volvo Estate, had a kid, got a dog, bought a timeshare, and took up golf. I'm in Safety Management Systems now."

"Oh," was all that Elijah could come up with to say. He could not believe that this was the same man who only a year ago had been so determined to set the condom world on fire. Elijah studied him more closely.

Despite being plumper and browner than Elijah remembered, there was a ghostliness about Sean that made Elijah ask, "You aren't dead, are you, Sean?"

"No," said Sean, sighing heavily. "Sometimes, it just feels like that." Then his eyes glazed over, and he stared off into space.

An uncomfortably long silence followed this statement, and in desperation Elijah asked, "Um, why are you here, Sean?"

"What? Oh, sorry. It's just... well... never mind." Sean gave himself a shake. He lifted his arms, shook the rainbow-coloured chains draped about him, and announced, "I am here to warn you, Elijah Wood. If you continue to deny your gayness, a fate like mine awaits you. By my choices, I am destined to carry these chains throughout my life. Each day I deny my desire to suck cock, another link is added. You, too, have chains, and they are growing longer by the day. Amend your ways, Elijah Wood. Embrace your gayness!"

"But, Sean," cried Elijah defensively. "I'm not gay!"

"I was afraid you'd say that, and now you have left me no option. Tonight Elijah Wood, you will be visited by three GENTLEMEN CALLERS; one from your past, one from your present, and one from your future. THEY will show you the error of your ways." With a final rustle of his chains, Sean backed toward the door.

"But Sean?!"

"Remember the broom closet, Elijah!" intoned Sean, and disappeared completely.

And that was part of the problem, wasn't it? Elijah really couldn't remember, so he turned off his bedside light, rolled over and went to sleep.

***

Deeply asleep, Elijah was unaware of his alarm clock clicking over to midnight. Nor was he aware of the arrival of his first gentleman caller, until the sudden dip of his mattress brought him to wakefulness.

"TIG!" hollered the gentleman caller, and ripped Elijah's pillow from under his head. He then leapt onto the bed, and proceeded to beat Elijah over the head with it. Elijah was now in no doubt as to who this was.

"Dom!" Elijah gasped between blows.

"TIG! TIG! TIG!" cackled Dom, and flung the pillow away. He then pounced on Elijah and tickled him unmercifully.

"Stop!" pleaded Elijah, until he suddenly remembered. "Tiggity Tog!" he shouted and the tickling stopped.

"Hello, Elijah," said Dom. "Shove over," he added, and suddenly Elijah was transported back to his dorm at school. It was after curfew, and once again Dom had snuck into his room, and crawled into his bed.

Elijah moved over and let Dom settle himself with his back to the headboard. Then, just like he used to do, but ONLY because the beds were so small, Elijah turned onto his side and rested his head on Dom's chest.

"This is nice," sighed Elijah. "Just like old times."

"Do you remember this as well?"

Elijah started as Dom's hand brushed the front of his boxers.

"Shh," soothed Dom. "It's okay. Close your eyes, and just remember, Elijah."

It felt so safe and familiar that Elijah did as Dom asked. He closed his eyes, and relaxed, as Dom's hand traced his erection. He bit his lip when Dom reached into his boxers and took hold of him. He panted gently against Dom's chest as Dom rubbed the head of his cock with his thumb.

"Hang on a minute," said Dom. He let go of Elijah, and much to Elijah's embarrassment, fished around under the covers until he located the hand cream. He squeezed a generous amount on to his palm, and slid his hand back around Elijah's cock.

Elijah had forgotten how good this was, and he couldn't help rocking his hips in counterpoint. He was disappointed when Dom let go of him, but cried out in surprise when he felt Dom's fingers slipped under his balls and firmly stroked the smooth skin behind. He couldn't stop the moan that escaped him.

"Liked that, did you?" laughed Dom, and did it again. "If I'd known then, what I know now, I might have been able to convince you." Dom took him in hand once more, and set a steady pace, jerking him off quickly. Elijah came almost as fast as his teenage body had all those years ago.

He relaxed bonelessly against Dom.

"Good, yeah?"

"Yeah," breathed Elijah, closing his eyes.

"There's more I could have shown you, but it's too late now," said Dom, a little sadly. "You missed your chance. I'm taken. You were wilfully obtuse once too often, and one night I climbed into Billy's bed instead of yours. Did he fall asleep and leave his partner unsatisfied? No, he did not. We've been together ever since."

"I'm sorry, Dom," Elijah murmured. "But I'm glad about Billy," he added and drifted back in to sleep.

***

Just as the clock clicked over to one o'clock, Elijah woke suddenly to that uncomfortable feeling that someone was watching him. He reached out to switch on the bedside lamp, when a hand clamped down on his wrist. He strained to see in the dim light. Slowly, as his eyes adjusted, he was just able to make out a tall familiar figure. "Um? Orlando? Is that you? Is there a problem at the office?"

"There is a problem, Elijah, but not at the office. The problem now is that you will not call me Orlando. You will call me, Sir."

"What?!" exclaimed Elijah in confusion.

"What what, Elijah?"

"Um...what?... Sir?"

The hand around his wrist released him, and Orlando smiled. Elijah could tell he was smiling because a mysterious warm glow suffused the room, and it seemed to be emanating from Orlando. Flames seemed to be licking up his leather clad thighs, and in their light, Elijah could clearly see his nipples through his t-shirt. He watched wide-eyed as an unseen wind whipped Orlando's curls around his head in a wild dark halo.

Wow, he thought to himself.

"Wow, what, Elijah?"

"Wow, Sir?" replied Elijah.

"That's good, Elijah. You need to know that nothing about you is hidden from me. Do you think I didn't see you watching me, today? Do you think I didn't know what you were thinking? Do you think I don't know what you want right now?"

"No, sir," he whispered, trying very hard to think about nothing at all.

Orlando stared at him hard, and then glanced over his shoulder at a cupboard behind him. Elijah's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. But he hadn't been thinking about anything!

"Oh yes, you were," corrected Orlando, cocking one eyebrow at Elijah. He turned on his heel, strode over to the cupboard, and threw open the door. Orlando's hand went unerringly to the third shelf on the right where Elijah kept what he considered his 'stay at home' scarves. Orlando grabbed a silky handful, and strode back to the bed.

"T-shirt off," said Orlando, and Elijah froze under his steady gaze. "Don't make me come over and make you, because we both know you won't regret it," he threatened. Elijah didn't wait to puzzle it out, but dragged the t-shirt over his head. He shivered a little, but not because of the cold.

"Boxers next," prompted Orlando. Elijah squirmed for a brief second. For one wild moment, he was tempted to push his luck, but when Orlando took a step towards him, his courage failed and he scurried out of his underwear.

"Good," said Orlando in a low voice, coming to stand at the side of the bed. He stared down intently at Elijah and asked, "What will we do next?" He watched Elijah for a moment through lowered lids, and then smiled widely. "Excellent choice, Elijah."

But, but, but, Elijah's brain stuttered. Sir! it added at Orlando's pointed look.

Orlando dropped the scarves onto the bed. Then he leaned down, took off each boot and tossed them in to the middle of the room. He stood up, and turned to face Elijah. He stripped off his t-shirt in one fluid move, and dropped it at his side. He reached down and flicked open the buttons of his trousers. He wasn't wearing any underwear. He shimmied the trousers down his legs, and stepped out of them. Then, he looked questioningly at Elijah.

"Oh, yes," murmured Orlando, nodding his head slowly in agreement. "That's good for me, too."

Elijah's heart was racing. He didn't have the faintest idea what was going on in his head, but wasn't at all surprised that Orlando did. Wide-eyed he watched Orlando pick up one silky scarf and draped it around his own neck. Then he picked up another and climbed back onto the bed, straddling Elijah's hips. He looped the scarf twice around Elijah's wrists, which had - without Elijah's knowledge or consent! - crossed themselves above his head, and knotted it. Orlando tied the free end to a rail on the headboard behind him.

"Now," Orlando breathed and leaned down to kiss Elijah.

It was nothing like Elijah had ever experienced. The kiss started gently, and coaxed his lips apart. It teased his tongue, swirling around it and drawing away. It invited and cajoled Elijah until he was kissing Orlando back with a need he didn't know was in him. It pushed him, and forced him to submit. When Orlando broke away, he gasped at the loss, but simply licked his lips and waited.

"Good," Orlando praised him, and lightly kissed Elijah once more.

He began to move down Elijah's body. He kissed his jaw, and bit lightly along the line of his throat. He used the silk scarf around his neck to tease Elijah's nipples, sucking them through the fine fabric. Orlando licked where Elijah's ribs gave way to the soft curve of his stomach, and he nosed the fine trail of hair that lead down to Elijah's groin. He avoided his navel because Elijah was ticklish there.

"See how well this works," he pointed out, looking up with a smile from beside Elijah's cock.

He picked up the hand cream from the far side of the bed, and poured some onto his fingers. He nudged Elijah's knees up and reached under one thigh to smooth the slippery cream around Elijah's opening. When the whole area felt slick and pliant, he slipped the tip of Elijah's cock into his mouth and the tip of one finger into his ass. He worked both with equal care and soon Elijah felt the nudge of another finger. It slipped in with ease, and with soon a third joined them. Pulling hard on the scarf around his wrists, Elijah drew his knees up higher.

"Please, sir," he gasped, and Orlando released his cock.

Orlando moved between Elijah's legs. Using more hand cream, he slicked his own cock and lifting Elijah's legs, he wrapped them around his waist. Orlando looked down at Elijah and knew that he was ready. He put his cock to Elijah, and pressed. He slid in slowly, his eyes fixed on Elijah's face, knowing that this was exactly what he wanted. When he was all the way in, he waited until Elijah moved underneath him and began to fuck him.

"I want to hear what you want," said Orlando. "Tell me, Elijah."

"Oh god," groaned Elijah, "I don't know. I just want more. Give me more." When Orlando changed his depth and pace, Elijah shuddered. "Just like that. Like that." He twisted his bound wrists, and arched his spine. "Please touch my cock, Orlando, please." Orlando reached down, and felt Elijah clench around him at his touch. He fisted Elijah's cock firmly, and when he felt the warm come on his fingers, Orlando came too, just as he knew Elijah wanted.

Orlando pulled back, and let Elijah's legs flop to the bed. He crawled to the headboard, untied the scarves from Elijah's wrists and kissed the reddened skin. Then he lay down next to Elijah, and they watched each other while their heartbeats slowed, and their skin cooled.

"Elijah," Orlando eventually asked, "You need to tell me now. If I ask you tomorrow, will you go out with me? Will you go openly, or will you hide it?"

"You mean at work? In the office?"

"Yes. Quickly, Elijah, you need to decide. It's almost two o'clock, and your next gentleman caller will be arriving soon."

"Can't you just stay here with me?"

"No."

At that moment the clock flipped over to two o'clock, and a tall thin figure clad all in white appeared in the doorway. When Elijah looked back at Orlando, he was gone.

***

"Um, do I know you?" asked Elijah, as the latest gentleman caller approached him.

"Not yet, Elijah," said the figure, rakishly. "But, I live in hope. You may call me Sir Ian," he added formally.

"Pleased to meet you, Sir Ian," said Elijah nervously, and pulled the covers up to his chin.

"None of that lolling about in bed, young Elijah. We have places to go, and people to see. Up you get."

"Would it be okay if I put some clothes on?" Elijah asked, somewhat desperately.

Sir Ian made a slight moue of disappointment, but replied, "If you must," and turned his back.

Elijah leapt out of bed, and picked up his discarded t-shirt and boxers. After he'd shrugged into his clothes, he looked up to find Sir Ian watching him, and blushed. "Delightful," murmured Ian under his breath, and held out his hand.

Against his better judgement, Elijah took it.

There was no feeling of movement, but in a second they had left his apartment, and were rushing headlong through busy streets. Vignettes caught his attention - people peering into shop windows, or hurrying to meet friends and family. Elijah recognised the route that they were taking, and was not surprised to find a familiar building, his office block, was their destination.

Arriving in his office, Elijah was surprised to find that he was already there, seated at his desk.

"What? How?!" asked Elijah, watching himself tap at his keyboard.

"This is the future, Elijah. The future as it will be if nothing should change. Watch."

Elijah saw himself pick up his phone and make a call. Shortly, a tall slender woman appeared, "Yes, Mr Wood?"

"Cate, I need the year-end figures as they stand, please. Print me a copy, and could you email them to Mortensen in the New York office as well."

"Yes, Mr Wood."

"But, where is Orlando?" Elijah whispered to Sir Ian, as she left the room.

"Gone," said Sir Ian, sadly.

"Gone! But why?"

"Why do you think?" asked Ian, sharply. He did not wait for Elijah's reply, but took his hand again.

They travelled farther this time, and seemed to move even faster that before. Fields, a stretch of water, and then fields again passed below them. Elijah could see mountains in the distance looming closer and closer. He realised they were travelling toward one specific point, one small light that grew brighter as they approached. When they finally stopped, they were outside the window of a small alpine chalet.

Clad only in his boxers and t-shirt, Elijah shivered. The warm glow from the window drew him forward, and he put his face close to the glass to peer inside.
As he expected, there was a fire burning in the large stone hearth. On the floor before it was a thick woven rug, with comfortable chairs and a large sofa arranged around it.

Someone was seated on the sofa. His back was to Elijah so he could not see his face, but his hair appeared black in soft light. Elijah willed him to turn, but the man sat unmoving, watching the door on the far side of the room. A movement there drew Elijah's attention as well, and he startled to see Orlando appear in the doorway. He was carrying an open bottle of wine, and two glasses.

Orlando offered a glass to the man, and knelt on the rug before of him. He sat back on his heels, and poured wine into each glass. Setting the bottle aside, he held up his glass and Elijah knew that the stranger on the sofa had said something because Orlando smiled. They each took a sip, then set their glasses down and leaned into each other. Only when Orlando was completely hidden by the stranger on the sofa, did Elijah look away.

Silently, he slipped his hand into Sir Ian's, and without Elijah noticing anything of their journey at all, they arrived back at his apartment.

Sir Ian waited while Elijah climbed back into bed. He smoothed the covers and then Elijah's hair back from his forehead. "You have much to decide, Elijah," he said gently, and backing away toward the door, he disappeared.

***

Elijah awoke as the clock flicked over to three o'clock. There was no one else in the room. He was alone.

Alone.

All at once, he knew what he had to do. Clambering out of bed, he pulled on a shirt and some jeans. He threw on a jacket, and without even stopping to pick a suitable scarf, left his apartment, and retraced his earlier steps back to the office. The streets were still busy, and he dodged around people, apologising when he brushed past them too closely. He rushed past the office, and located the club where he was sure Orlando was waiting for him.

He passed the doorman with a nod, and went in. Inside it was dim, and he sighed with relief when he finally spotted the staff from his office at a table near the bar. He quickly wound his way through the club towards them.

He knew when he was spotted because all eyes turned towards him. Most were open-mouthed with surprise as they watched him approach, and he began to wonder at the wisdom of his actions.

"Hello," he said shyly when he reached them. "Can I join you?" he added nervously, and was relieved when the looks of astonishment turned to smiles. Bodies were shifted, space was made for him, and only once he was seated did he look around for Orlando, whom he found looking back at him, smiling broadly.

"Can I get you a drink, Mr Wood?" he asked.

"Please, call me, Elijah." He looked around the table and spoke clearly to everyone, "Please, call me, Elijah." There was a cheer, and he found his back slapped by the guy on his right, and his cheek kissed by the woman on his left. They were all a bit tipsy by now.

Then Elijah asked, "Can I get you all a drink?" There was more cheering, and when he made his way to the bar, Orlando went with him.

Orlando leaned on the bar, and looked at him. "It's good to see you here, Elijah," he said, smiling again.

Encouraged by the warmth of his smile, Elijah blurted out, "I came to say 'Yes', Orlando."

"Yes?" repeated Orlando, looking puzzled.

"Yes," said again Elijah, "You know. The answer to your question? My answer is 'Yes'."

"How much have you had to drink, Elijah?" Orlando asked with a laugh.

"Nothing," said Elijah, now very much confused.

Orlando turned to the bar, manoeuvred four glasses until he could pick them up without spilling and went back to the table. Elijah picked up the rest, and followed him more slowly. He didn't understand. How could he change things if Orlando didn't know the question?

He sat at the table, and the conversation flowed over and around him. He was missing something. He frowned into his drink, trying to figure it out. He was looking around the table, watching the animated faces and listening to conversations he'd never paid any attention to before, when suddenly it came to him.

He stood up abruptly, and all conversation stopped. "Orlando," he said, in a firm voice, "Will you go out with me?"

Orlando's eyes opened wide in surprise, and the table held its collective breath. He looked seriously at Elijah for a moment, then leaned back in his chair and grinned.

"Sure."

Elijah sat back down, blushing under a rain of cat-calls and toasts. He sipped at his drink, smiling and watching Orlando; watching Orlando doing exactly the same thing, smiling and watching him.

Yes, Elijah thought, happily. Oh, YES.

Tags: stories 2009
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